Girl, get over it.

I have been thinking on my situation. I live where I have lived my whole life, apart from nine months in England. I live with my family and share a room with my sister. I take two online classes so there is not much outside of my family to be had and the one class I do have, with actual real live people, ends this week. I somewhat chose this, but a part of me wonders,

“What the heck am I doing here?”

I love my family, I love this town, I love my friends, I love my church but in all my questioning I have found one answer. I asked God to take me where he wants me to be so that I may glorify him in it. He brought me here.

My answer, “Be in this one place where I have put you”

So far, since June I mean, I have done a pretty bad job of it. I have had petty arguments, emotional breakdowns, thoughts leading to depression, sadness for no reason. I have rejected my Father, hurt my family with no explanation or apology for my behavior, and sought nothing but my own self-gain. Overall, I have not obeyed what God has called me to in my life, in this moment. To love, to be loved, to minister, to be ministered to, and ultimately to glorify Him in everything…

People are what he has given me. A great gift for sure but at times I cannot see beyond my desires, my dreams, my stuff, other people’s stuff, my own self-preservation has been at the forefront of my mind. I can indeed say it is on the forefront of 6 billion other minds as well. The world has told us that we must live for ourselves, survival of the fittest and all that crap. But when I go to Wal-Mart and see all the things around me one thing sticks out, it is the people.

There is a reason that God gave people souls and minds, and an ability to create and desire more and why he did not give all those things to a rabbit or a flower. He created us and he freakin’ loves us and he will take care of us.

So I say to myself, do not worry about tomorrow, or where you are going, or what you are doing but look toward God and ask him who do you want me to love, who do you want me to serve, His answer is simple. Care for those hurting, those who are widows, those orphans. Care for those who are right next to you with a story in their mind and hurt in their heart.

Who cares if I have to share a room and that I do not have room to think or room for my creative outlet... that is a load of crap. Really though, my sister is in that room with me for a reason and if I cannot respond to her and see past myself, then I really do not know why I am here.
I know Jesus would have shared a room with anyone and he would have had a party and celebrated and loved that person.

These thoughts were spurred by other thoughts that I had a week ago today. The following are my week old thoughts.


I just had this very odd feeling, like I did not belong where I was

We are just six people living in a house, functioning separately in different bodies

We are all here for the very same reason… maybe we just don’t know it

We all go to sleep at different times, wake in the morning at different times

We all grow in different ways, at a different pace.

We all look different.
Hair in different places
Bigger nose. Smaller feet.

We all sound different.
Can we sing?
Can we dance?

We all move different

But for some reason God smushed us all together

For Fighting
For Loving
In peace
In hate
For kissing
For talking

For giving.