Tuesday, November 20, 2012

ประเทศไทย : Thailand Dreams : ความฝัน

Bangkok backstreet by Ahron
I am going to Thailand. I have never been to Asia, apart from a fast and furious 24hour layover in Dubai. (walking, walking, BEACH, warm, market, hotel, sleep, shower) That is another story. I am going to a resort... check it out if you would like. I know that at this point you are probably thinking, "Why on earth should I keep on reading?" Well, stay with me folks.

A couple months ago, I was sent an email from a woman at my church asking me to apply for a two week trip to Thailand. She greatly stressed that money should not be an issue in the decision making process and that all of those that were sent the email were carefully thought of. After reading what we would be doing my heart filled and jumped and I almost peed my pants (TMI???) And being the wise God-fearing woman I am (uhhhhh), I became so careful in my decision. I decided I would talk to no one else about it (apart from my mom, who already knew) and just pray. I wanted to make a wise, prayerful, and discerning decision, led only by the Lord. Well, turns out my way is not always the best way and God does not always work the way we want him to work.... HA. HA. HA...

Later that day my roommate and one of my closest friends, came home from school with the biggest grin on her face and was all like "HEEEYYYY." She was going to Thailand to. At least, she knew she wanted to go. Come to find out my dad was also invited to go. In short, I could no longer keep this between just myself and God. So, I thought about my decision out loud, talked it over from all different angles, prayed out loud and in the secret, discussed it with friends and considered it, exhausting every source of decision making. For two weeks I stared at the application wondering if this was something I "should" do. SHOULD I go to Thailand to work with missionary kids for two weeks at a resort? It would be like the ultimate Vacation Bible School and maybe even more than that. 

I imagine it is gonna go down like this...  ^
I often like to plan out what I am going to say to people so that I know that I do not screw it up. I plan out entire conversations as if I know exactly how the other person will react and respond. I probably do not need to tell you this but it usually does not go down how I plan. I usually find a great amount of grace that I did not expect, the other person has nothing to say at all, or they react in extremely negative way. In short, the conversation goes the exact opposite of what I have planned.

"I have planned" are the key words in the above sentence. It is where I often fail. I plan and I pull apart. I dissect all that I think life is. When maybe, God is calling me to simply live. Maybe God is calling us to live our dreams. Maybe we are not dreaming big enough. Maybe, God is screaming upstairs like, "HEY YOU GUYS! HEY, DREAM. Bigger... come on... you could do better. Look how much life I have already given you. Don't you want more???? Come my stubborn sheep... be lions. Be fearless."

And hey you guys, I am not the best person for this job. I think our team is fantastic. I really do. But I am far short of Jesus. I have reservations about my capabilities. I feel like the stupid wandering sheep with no direction.

God is leading me to Thailand because I do not know why but I am going along.

This will probably will be awesome because I DID NOT  PLAN THIS. And IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. (praise!)

So pray for our strength as we go out on January 1, 2012. Pray that we take hold of our Jesus. Pray for those kids (140 of those kids). Pray that in our service God will be glorified.

Thank you.

Monday, November 19, 2012

For a different story you told, all the stories you hold...

All the stories you hold
gather like dust in your arms
For me it is like love
without fear
because I know when I am settling 
The person I hold 
settles like dust in your arms