Saturday, December 29, 2012

A Call for Prayer

Yeesh. Sam Roi Yot - Our home for the next two weeks.
This morning my brother asked me if I was excited to go to Thailand, I said no. ... Well, no, I am excited but at that point in the day it had not "hit me" yet that I was going to Thailand in two days. My brother's theory was that it would hit me when I started packing (no, I have not started packing.)

But for some reason, when I was coming home from Lawrence today... it hit me. I have not had much time to think about it but it hit me. OH crap. Hard. My stomach is exploding and my heart gets so full when I look at photos of Thailand and when I think of the kids that I get to be with.

Not many people get to be where I am and do what I have done. I cannot make you understand how blessed I am. I cannot make you feel what I am feeling. I want to throw my hands up in praise and surrender yet at the same time get down on my knees in worship. Holy, holy.

All of these experiences I have been given can sometimes make me feel proud and very special. However, I am thankful for reminders of our King and His plan. Here are a couple of the "reminders" or maybe I should call them "soul checks".

  • I was amazed that people would so generously give great amounts of money* to what WE are doing and fund MY trip to Thailand . But I remember they are not giving to "we" and "my" and "I", but they are giving to glory our King. To honor our King.
  • Last night I talked to my friend about Thailand and I am thankful for his words, "Take everything as it comes." He reminded me with his words that NONE of this is in my little hands that so eagerly grasp for control. He encouraged me to basically just go with it and honestly that totally freaks me out.

Everyone, please pray that I continue to get these reminders that God is in control and it is totally not about me. 

Pray for our team.

  • That we would all be call upon the Lord for strength. That it comes at just the right time.
  • For our safety. Seriously. 
  • For team love and grace. SERIOUSLY. (especially on my behalf, I get grumpy.)
  • Scheduling/Activities that we would get tons of knowledge on the first day and be able to figure stuff out. We are going in about 80% blind so we need prayer. 
  • That we would get flexible. That everyone would be patient with the situation and take joy in the hard confusion. 
Much love,


*I actually do not know who gave the TONS of money that funded this trip but goodness! May God bless you for your trusting in Him. You
swiftly gave so much money after we asked for it and over half before we even asked! Praise the Lord.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

ประเทศไทย : Thailand Dreams : ความฝัน

Bangkok backstreet by Ahron
I am going to Thailand. I have never been to Asia, apart from a fast and furious 24hour layover in Dubai. (walking, walking, BEACH, warm, market, hotel, sleep, shower) That is another story. I am going to a resort... check it out if you would like. I know that at this point you are probably thinking, "Why on earth should I keep on reading?" Well, stay with me folks.

A couple months ago, I was sent an email from a woman at my church asking me to apply for a two week trip to Thailand. She greatly stressed that money should not be an issue in the decision making process and that all of those that were sent the email were carefully thought of. After reading what we would be doing my heart filled and jumped and I almost peed my pants (TMI???) And being the wise God-fearing woman I am (uhhhhh), I became so careful in my decision. I decided I would talk to no one else about it (apart from my mom, who already knew) and just pray. I wanted to make a wise, prayerful, and discerning decision, led only by the Lord. Well, turns out my way is not always the best way and God does not always work the way we want him to work.... HA. HA. HA...

Later that day my roommate and one of my closest friends, came home from school with the biggest grin on her face and was all like "HEEEYYYY." She was going to Thailand to. At least, she knew she wanted to go. Come to find out my dad was also invited to go. In short, I could no longer keep this between just myself and God. So, I thought about my decision out loud, talked it over from all different angles, prayed out loud and in the secret, discussed it with friends and considered it, exhausting every source of decision making. For two weeks I stared at the application wondering if this was something I "should" do. SHOULD I go to Thailand to work with missionary kids for two weeks at a resort? It would be like the ultimate Vacation Bible School and maybe even more than that. 

I imagine it is gonna go down like this...  ^
I often like to plan out what I am going to say to people so that I know that I do not screw it up. I plan out entire conversations as if I know exactly how the other person will react and respond. I probably do not need to tell you this but it usually does not go down how I plan. I usually find a great amount of grace that I did not expect, the other person has nothing to say at all, or they react in extremely negative way. In short, the conversation goes the exact opposite of what I have planned.

"I have planned" are the key words in the above sentence. It is where I often fail. I plan and I pull apart. I dissect all that I think life is. When maybe, God is calling me to simply live. Maybe God is calling us to live our dreams. Maybe we are not dreaming big enough. Maybe, God is screaming upstairs like, "HEY YOU GUYS! HEY, DREAM. Bigger... come on... you could do better. Look how much life I have already given you. Don't you want more???? Come my stubborn sheep... be lions. Be fearless."

And hey you guys, I am not the best person for this job. I think our team is fantastic. I really do. But I am far short of Jesus. I have reservations about my capabilities. I feel like the stupid wandering sheep with no direction.

God is leading me to Thailand because I do not know why but I am going along.

This will probably will be awesome because I DID NOT  PLAN THIS. And IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. (praise!)

So pray for our strength as we go out on January 1, 2012. Pray that we take hold of our Jesus. Pray for those kids (140 of those kids). Pray that in our service God will be glorified.

Thank you.

Monday, November 19, 2012

For a different story you told, all the stories you hold...

All the stories you hold
gather like dust in your arms
For me it is like love
without fear
because I know when I am settling 
The person I hold 
settles like dust in your arms

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Dangers of Introception

As I looked upon myself I went deeper.
I went into my darkest self
without a guide, I burned.
Every lie seared my soul.
All the hate shattered my pride.
Every encouragement was useless.
Every hope turned to rotten slop
My heart no longer even good enough for swine.
I took everything in.
and I have been torn to pieces.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; 
I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. 
These are the things I will do; 
I will not forsake them." 

Isaiah 42:16