Writing love songs... not enough.

I am writing a love song.
A love song for Jesus.
My heart is breaking because I do not know if I can do it.
I am incapable of loving Him enough.
Truly, truly I will rejoice.
I will hope.
I will pray.
I will love others.
I will walk in truth.
I do not want the norm. I do not want to fall into life “as it is”.
As it is is not enough.
Radical. That is my Jesus.
Radical he loved, radical he prayed, radical he lived, radical he died.
Radical he lived.
Radical he lived.
He approached the leprous, the lame, the hurting, the broken, the rich, the poor, the deceived, the honored, the respected, the rejects, the women, the children.
As it is is not enough, at least not for me.

{picture: kenyan sunrise - props to Q}

Understood?

I am not skilled to understand
What God hath willed, what God hath planned;
I only know that at His right hand
Is One Who is my Savior!

These words were penned by Dora Greenwell in 1873. Dora was an English woman, a poet and a strong Christian. Part of her life she spent addicted to opium. She spent much of the rest her life comparing herself to her very close friend, submitting to her feelings of inadequacy and died still with feeling inadequate.

I have no doubt that this poem came out of those feelings of inadequacy and I feel as if I know her myself. I find that often I too compare myself to my friends and where they are at spiritually and socially and intellectually. Despite my feelings, despite what I may or may not be capable of I know one thing, and I completely agree with Ms. Greenwell, Jesus, the One who stands at the right hand of God is my Savior! I do not always understand what God’s will and plans are, I only know that when I stand in His presence I can say “I am yours” and mean it.

This blog is not meant for me to explain myself to the world or to explain the world to the world. But it is meant only for me to be honest with the world. I do not know what His plans are for me and that makes me crazy sometimes, but I want to live in the light. So I will be honest with you, I will not reveal all of myself to you because that would overwhelm any innocent bystander, but on most subjects I will give it to you straight. I will do my best to be transparent.

I am still figuring this out and I will be till the day I die.



[1 John 1:5-7]
This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.