Sunday, January 27, 2013

Get it Out - My Drawing Assignment

Today's post I wrote in a scurry. I am trying to understand why I have such a hard time in my drawing class here are my thoughts on the matter...

I know it sounds pathetic but drawing is the most challenging part of my life right now.  My heart clenches and my limbs stress at just the thought of drawing. At my university however, drawing class is mandatory for you to pass into becoming a Fine Arts major… a necessary evil. I like to be able to draw but really if I did not have to take the class I would not take the class because it totally freaks me out. It took me a long time to take the step into a Fine Art major. A looong time. Part of that was because I knew I would have to take drawing. I am now into my second semester of drawing class and I was semi-considering totally switching my major this semester so I could drop out of drawing… that is how much I do not like it. Geez.

This morning my pastor spoke on Jeremiah. The book of Jeremiah starts begins by telling us how Jeremiah became a prophet… God assigned him the job. Jeremiah was not totally pumped about his new career and as a twenty-something year old, he felt that he could not conquer this great task.  This was Jeremiah’s “Difficult Assignment.” As I sat listening to Pastor Steve talk about difficult assignments, I wondered if God would be here for me as I went through this difficult assignment of drawing. It is just drawing, isn’t it?  But Pastor Steve kept saying over and over,

 “God will be with you.”

The nation of Israel was broken. Jeremiah had to break a lot of crappy news to these people that had already been through a lot of the muck. But God told Jeremiah, 

I formed you,

I have consecrated you,

I will be there with you,

I will deliver you,

My power is perfected in your weakness,

Trust me.

Do I really believe that about my classes? Do I believe that God is with me at my job? Do I believe this about God when my relationships are difficult and torn up? Do I believe that when I am at my worst that God will deliver me from myself? Do I believe that God, in my daily living, is truly with me? Do I believe that he will deliver me?

As I look at my life it does not scream “I TRUST GOD.” It whispers lies fear, distrust and brokenness. As I sit down to my first drawing assignment of this Spring semester, I hear a lot of lies. I hear,

“You are not enough, Liz. You will never be good at this. You will never get past this stress. This is not worth it.”

But what is really cool is that I can hear God whispering to me,

“Elizabeth, I delight in you. I rescue you from this worry. You are mine. I know how I have made you and it is good.”

He really does whisper. Sometimes I wish he would have written these truths into my being right when I was born. I wish that I would just know and simply trust. But he whispers ever so gently that I am his. How precious.  He leads me to trust even in my meaningless drawing class. He leads me to trust.

That is some kind of crazy. That is some kind of love.

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